My last remaining grandparent passed away last Wednesday. It was not sudden but it stings just as bad. My grandmother had Alzheimer's disease. She'd always been a super healthy lady, so I think she did the very best she could with her diagnosis and she remained the sweetest woman up until the very end. My grandma was 87. I am 28. 59 years apart in age but I still felt like Grandma was one of my best friends. I think one of the hardest part about her transitioning is suddenly remembering all the questions I wanted to try and ask her, or remembering what show I wanted to sit down and watch with her, or just talk about the memories we had together so I could hear her laugh. I really miss her voice already.
I've been struggling a bit with getting back into a normal, and healthy routine. My depression creeped up on me and got so bad, I wasn't even looking at myself in the mirror. I felt guilty looking at myself because when I did, my mind would just go to a nasty negative self talk session. But I got so tired and frustrated with being sick all the time, I finally managed to be motivated enough to start making changes again. You know how people say 'you should be proud of yourself!' when you've completed something pretty hard? Well I had to be that person for myself. I managed to call my therapist and psychiatrist. I was able to get my medication adjusted and we're not on day four of taking my medication consistently. Baby steps, right? The next thing I did was sign up for a gym. I know how cliché it sounds to sign up for the gym in January but I don't care about clichés. I haven't been to anyone's gym in about three or four years but what I plan to accomplish with this membership is to just actually try and enjoy it. Sometimes that natural high those annoying pretentious fitness people talk about is just what I need.